You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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