There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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