you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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