Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
