Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
