Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
