Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
