Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
sex in a hospital.. check
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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