So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
