Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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