How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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