i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
