You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
