my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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