Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
