I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
