you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
