just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
