i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
