I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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