she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
