i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
