Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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