but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
