dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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