guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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