and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
