Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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