My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
