You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
