Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
