Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
