I can text with my tongue
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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