I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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