I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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