she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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