I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
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Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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