He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
