Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Pooping to opera.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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