So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
