The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
