I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
