hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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