remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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