Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
