I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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