But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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