i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
