I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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