I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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