Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
