She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I supernannyed him into submission
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
