They should really pass out barf bags in church
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
