TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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