Yo dont text me then not text me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
