your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
