I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
