Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
