I want to make a zoo with you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
