I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
