He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
