you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
