You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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