What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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