I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize