Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
