i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
