I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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