turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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