is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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